It has being a long contemplative life of mine. A life which seems to me is unfulfilled, unachieved, a life which has not made any significant contribution to the mankind. A life which had left a lot to be desired. But hell, life is not what is all planned, or is it, it doesn’t seems likely as we all like some sort of surprises. Small things, but which makes a big difference.
We all have plans, aspirations, dreams but it is also the fact that not all of us are able to achieve what we set out for. There might be the greatest plans, or bigger dreams, but still most of us find themselves down in dumps, and once we find ourselves there, we became cynics, sarcastic and highly obsessive of what have we got. We became selfish of what we have, and tend to stagnate. We take the like as it is cut throat competition, where if we don’t achieve what we desire for, we became utter failure, we become unacceptable. And in midst of all these we lose the touch with our own lives.
Now, why I am writing this today, mainly why I am writing this, as I too belong to that category which lives in a dog eat dog world. I too have dreams and aspiration. I also strive hard. I also tend to be pretentious. But yet, somewhere in me I find a vacuum, a vacuum which tells me every time to ‘get a life’.
Life is not what is planned, it made of small moments. A moment when one feels the raindrop on the skin, the smile of baby, an unintended touch of a beautiful woman, it can be anything, even a burst of laughter, anything. But for the sure, these moment leaves a smile on your face, and in the face of great adversity, gives a great support.
I was not having a good day, a week if that matters. Things were going wrong, and there were too many of them. The twenty three years of my life, I have only lamented what could have I done, what could I have achieved and what where should I be. But as the fact lies, I am here and I do think it is of my own making. But still, when the frames of memory flashes pass the eyes, it leaves a watery mark. A mark, very few people can see, a few after seeing can justify. But something happened just then, just when I was thinking how fucked up my life is, a strain of smile struck my face, it came out of nowhere, and before I could reason, it began blooming.
I went to the temple in the evening, usually a Saturday routine which my mother forces me to follow. Along with that I was handed some work, which I was not eager to do. And to add on to all these there was day which was nothing but ‘wasted’ to much extent, a fault which is not entirely mine. However, as I left home, I was overcast, with some lighting going on here and there, a perfect recipe for Earth Day. But no sooner I started raining, first there was a strong gust of wind, then little drops of water and then it began to pour. I had done my bit in the temple and the small knick knack which I was asked to do. But as I was return, I saw people running for cover from the rain, but I felt there was faint smile in face, as I was cherishing each drop falling into me. I saw people seeing me, they might have seen me smiling, and they smiled back. I kept walking, enjoying the moment, and cherishing each part of it. I was all drenched, I stopped at a shop to do some shopping, I had a little chat with the shopkeeper, after I was done, he might have thought I would stay and wait for the rain to stop. But I didn’t and kept walking home. I was beautiful experience, with water hitting your face, and for a moment I felt calm, a sense of peace. I felt as if each drop is like a balm, spread over the aching part. I thought, though to much extent I have screwed myself, but still these small moments, one day, might define my life. It’s the little moments which makes one’s life.