The Burning Desire

The Burning Desire

The Burning desire

That seeps within

Who knows - from what, where

Fire keeps burning.

The Burning desire

Deep within

Burns with me

and my thoughts and dream

The Burning desire

scorching my heart

And my mind suffers

from blistering heat

The Burning desire

ceases to stop

The piercing heat

melting carrion

The Burning desire

with me its burns

The glowing incandescence

My ashes flew hereon

The Burning desire

Its my funeral pyre

The fire will burn

Till I am gone.

The desire seeks no end
The desire drives and stops

The desire leaps and descends
 The desire fuels the very fire
and the desire burns
and within me
The Burning desire

-        Tarun Mitra

27^th February, 2012

© Tarun Mitra

I am not here, but I did not die

While changing the template of my blog, I have observed one thing; since 2009 when I started regular posting, my posts have progressively decreased. This story is same across by photo blog. Many times you might have seen the I write apologizing myself for not writing at all, or even trying to reason out for the same. But today it might not be the case.

My last post was on the 25th day of March 2011, it was a poem which I wrote a year back and which I feel is haunting me presently, anyhow, but the point is, even there it was not something fresh I wrote, it was from my records and I just pasted it. It is true for many of my posts, especially poetry, where I have shared something I wrote long back and stumbled upon them as I didn't have anything new to share. Even the last story I wrote was in November 2009, almost a year and half back. I am not apologizing for not writing, neither reasoning out my fallacies. One thing I have learned from the churns and twists of my life is that nothing is certain, especially when one sees certainty, at the very immediate moment the most uncertain thing happens, washing away everything, leaving a clean slate.

It is on this clean slate that new stories are started, and it is on this slate old memories are shared. It is from this clean slate I wish to venture again. In this new venture, there might be lack of continuity and again the same thing might be repeated once again. But as it is the human nature to try and to think, this wheel won't stop. From now on, many of you might find the contents boring as there would be more business and law items, but as I said the wheel must keep turning. Otherwise it will rust in the sands of time.

In conclusion, I must say, even though I might not be writing lately but:

I am not here, but I did not die.

Regards

Tarun Mitra

Just My Thoughts…..

Just My Thoughts…..

January 24^th, 2011 will always remain as a memorable day in my life. Though I passed my CS Final on August 2010, got my MSOP done on January 14^th, 2011 and was finally admitted member of this esteemed institute, the Institute of Company Secretaries of India, on January 20^th, 2011. But it was on January 24^th, 2011 on which I was allotted my membership number, culminating a long and arduous battle. As I said, it has ended a battle, just a phase, not the war.

For the last few months, I have not shared anything in my blogs, whether it is this one or Target Aim Shoot, either I had refrained myself or I was too lazy to share anything. It is a feeling that has become a common fixture in my character in 2010. The world has also meanwhile turned into quite a smutty place, with each one of us from every strata of society dying to gets its pie.

Whether is corruption in the government, or in the roads, or in the media or even stupid reality shows. We have metamorphosed into an eternally corrupt society which accepts the basic tenet that if something is above for free then it must be welcome. We can see murder and pretend nothing happened, we may even enjoy it, cherish it and relish its memories later. Of course, you can argue that I’ve being cynical, but just honestly, take a minute out and look into the mirror; you will definitely find the answer. Alas! The word ‘honesty’ no longer figures in the dictionary anymore.

But still there is some sanity, or some faint resemblance of it. We all want to move and we do move, but at which direction, we do not know. We are rather unclear about the destination and unsure of the path we have taken. We go on complaining but we seldom try to find the problem in the first place itself.

Sorry for diversion but just cannot help it, you just can’t blame god and government for everything. Coming back to me, I have joined twitter few months back, and I’d found it rather too fast for my palette. It just like a quickie or a blind date where it happens and ends within few minutes and only one realizes is the sensation of something that had happened. It is too fast for my sub-conscious and sometimes elicits response you just don’t want to give. But I’ll be there slowly in my own way, although I find it too overwhelming.

Meanwhile, I will be doing more off technical writing here than just sharing of my memories, poetry and stories. But I finding it would be more fruitful to share what I have learned. It is indeed difficult to maintain two different blogs or third one would be even tougher. However, I will be writing some literature (or gibberish as you may rate).

‘

Is all is well in the world? No it isn’t. As I said, the war had begun now and many of my MSOP mates can concur with what I said. MSOP has been a great platform to make new friends and those 15 days were very special for me, I was just like passing out parade were each participant jelled like a family. Now, we many be in different parts of the country, but we will never ever forget that once we all got together out of compulsion of statue but have to leave with a heavy heart.

© Tarun Mitra

February 4, 2011

Back Again

Writing after really long time, it has being more than two months. But why it is still hard for me to write. Why there is no inspiration in spite of full of seasons. I don’t know but in this one I will share few things that have held me for last few days.

It has been really long, for the first time since I have started regular blogging that a month has gone without a post. The story is same for my both blogs. So what is it that held me, lethargy, laziness, work or anxiety, or probably mixture of all?

Before I began, I give my sincerest apologies to those fellow bloggers whom I have not read during this period. I am sorry, but I cannot help and those I have read, thank you for reminding me that I have to post.

What is blogging? Well, when this concept was invented this was supposed to be some sort of online diary, before it evolved into some powerful medium. Blog was primarily meant to be a diary, so it first comes to diary.

Diary keeping, a habit to keep records of daily happenings of our lives, so that one day we could read them and try to evaluate and relive those days. I started maintaining diary possibly after my 12^th, though not regular, but still they are able to provide me the insights of my mind during that period. Many of my poems that you have read here were the pieces from those papers. But I must again admit that I was never regular.

I have started blogging out of curiosity of sharing. I was exposed to this tool from the newspapers and faint articles of the revolutions that it was brining. It was supposedly a cyclone at Orissa which bought this technology to my consciousness. It was an enduring picture of a person with Ham radio and another person with laptop trying to trace relatives of the victims that has being etched in my mind. If this tool was such powerful, then what good that it can do to me? I thought and started my first blog.

My first blog was a disaster, it never got any reader. The reason may be because I never knew the tricks of getting readers or increasing hits. I kept posting, without even having a reader for it. Eventually, my old e-mail account to which the blog was linked got hacked in July 2008 thus ending my first tete-a-tete with blogging. Although, I made myself available a new e-mail account within few days, but it wasn’t till 2^nd October 2008 that I started this blog and rest is history.

But today, as I write down this, after more than two months, it’s not the history that has prompted me, but the retrospective vision of my past in concurrence with my present. Life, it is said that evolves continuously and during one such transition I caught myself during last few days making me difficult for me to pen down something, and there were other reasons directly connected to my situation present.

Today, as I post this draft, am a qualified Company Secretary, and it has being a journey of almost seven years and innumerable examinations, long hours of arduous study and patience. It’s been almost a month since my results were declared but alas as I said, my present also has a dubious role to play for not updating you on this.

Now, it would not be coincidence that I started keeping diary when I passed out my higher secondary examination, a same period when I joined this course. Going through the course of my life, I have found numerous instances where I have been alone, dejected, lonely and defeated but I survived. There has being instances where I have seen (and still seeing) my peers leaving me behind and I trudging along on the same broken path, but I have survived. I have seen time when everyone I knew was having a cool time, partying and I was peering over books. I have seen times when people who studied with me in the same course passed out and qualified, and I failed to make a mark. Gosh! I have seen a lot, and still I survived and today when I have passed I can at least safely say I have failed, but I was never a failure.

Now, please don’t ask about what Company Secretaryship is all about, kindly google it. It is professional degree at par with Chartered Accountancy and Cost Accountancy and is managed by an Act of Parliament. It is the actual Corporate Governance course available. However, very few people may know that. But for me it has been a journey of sorts with more than its fair shares of ups and downs. And on retrospective I might say c’est vie.

After reading these lines, you all might be angry, and may ask “Why the hell now, after a month?” For this I would simply say, and as I have said, my present. Its push, pulls and pressures has its own role to play for stopping me from not writing. But now as I have written, I will try to be more regular.

After my result last month (it was 25^th Day of August) I wanted to write a post, about my journey till now. But not anymore, goal should always be at front of you and not backwards.

Now before I conclude this long write-up, which started from my brief history of diary keeping and blogging and to my present qualification. I must say, they both were intertwined. They both started at a period when I was at the edge, they both helped when I was falling down from the edge. They both challenged me and kept me going. It has being a long journey, I retrospectively sometimes I feel I should have finished it long ago, but alas! Now as I have, I am going for another one. Goal should always in front.

© Tarun Mitra

Death of Emotion

For the last few days its being easier for me to write poetry (though sporadically) than articles. Lets see whats next in store.

Death of Emotion

His heart clenched

When he saw her on board

A wishful prayer

Of God bought forth

She walked inside

Took a seat facing his back

He kept turning

To figure her outta pack

It’s being few months since

He’d last had a glimpse

The place was same

But the time different

But this time

T’was a long haul

He kept turning

As history strolled

They’d talked once

He’d always remember

Days of adolescence

Were full of adventure

They’d walked together

Talking ‘bout world

As one’s fancies flew

One’s was unruffled

He confided his love

As his nature was so

He paid a price

She forget him soon

They met twice again

But she didn’t ‘cognize

As his heart clenched

Her beat fine

Today when she board

His emotions soared

And gave a shriek

Of an animal getting caught

It’s being long time

He consoled himself

The death of emotion

is consolation.

© Tarun Mitra

April 16^th, 2010

Web of Life

Web of Life

Those who spin the web of life

May have never thought about strife

That exists between man and man

When every man gives the best he can

Little knots of this web

Loosened by the lessee itself

Who has never pondered himself

The shelter service the web provides

And yet he is hell bent

On destroying the creation

Of owner of heaven

Those who spin the web of life

© Tarun Mitra

May 6, 2005

Legal Tangle

While waiting at a government office for getting the work done I wrote these few lines just for passing my time. The work was not done and the lines are before you.

Legal Tangle

It is something called legal tangle

Size more confusing than woman’s bangle

If the problem is countered at wrong angle

It becomes difficult to untangle the tangle

It’s much easier to break the bangle

© Tarun Mitra

Inner Strength

Another old one from me, can't help. Sunday is the only holiday. This one was written way back in 2007. Hopefully by next week will be able to add something new.

Inner Strength

My eyes look tired

My face look wrinkled

It gives an older than age looks

However my determination is not broken

Nor did my inner strength

© Tarun Mitra

19th Delhi World Book Fair 2010

I was thinking about this post on January 30th itself, but my Computer surely do had other plans. I'd thought this one to be detailed post but by now I have drained all my juices of literature and will just put out the facts plainly as possibly.

I went to 19th Delhi World Book Fair on the first day itself, ie, January 30th,2010. After a series of yes,no,yes, no at last I was able to make it to the fair on the first day itself, though alone. The Saturday was distressing for me and I do required something good to happened, so even it was 4 PM I decided to keep myself away from experimentation and stick to the basics of book buying, trusted brands, trusted names and back. For the first time in many years I'd kept myself from experimentation. For this I'd reasons, these were, time and money.

I had being going to Book Fair (in Delhi whether National or International) since the year 2001, the year I changed my school and had to travel by bus to reach my new school. Then also, as a student of government school, with trademark violet trousers and white shirt without a tie, I went there alone. Sometimes being looked with suspicion or just as any other ignorance, seldom being treated as a customer unless I picked up a book to purchase. As years passed with uniform giving way to jeans something I found seldom changed. May be I am not smart enough. Anyhow.

For a Bibliophile like me, Book Fair, whether big or small, is like a Kumbh Mela, a must visit for self purification. I enjoy wandering, rather lost, within the books. Though I won't count myself a voracious reader, but still intentionally or unintentionally I end up reading a lot. Many of my friends might call me "pakau" for the "gyan" I usually give out might be result of readings. Coming back to the topic, for last 10 years a lot have changed. Bus has given way to metro, uniform to jeans, and some more cash in pocket. But what has not change, is the venue and organizing.

Though touted as one of the biggest book fairs at least in Asia (my assumption, possibly wrong), organizing still leaves a lot to desire to truly make it something. Creaking hall, littered streets, card board pieces everywhere has become ubiquitous with Pragati Maidan. This time it was even worse, with 3 different fairs being held there at that time, Book fair was tucked away at a different corner, leaving the visitors a lot of ground to cover and a lot of questions to ask to reach there. Though entry was free for school children in uniform accompanied by a teacher during weekdays, I entered there for free, and that too without any security checking. I just flouted a small loophole, entry was free for other two fairs, I entered one of them and then walked onto the Book Fair. I have a reason for this, no body knew where tickets were being sold and officials at the designated gates were asking for it, one of them sent me to a gate only to sent to another gate, then I asked a gentleman about entry and he told me this idea, he'd done the same. And I did. But there holds a lesson for ITPO and NBT, use some brain while scheduling fairs and properly advertise where tickets can be sold. Mere advertising for the event is not enough.

From the Fair I entered it was long walk to the book fair as it was tucked away to another corner. And since I was not thinking about experimentation I decided to stick to my field of books from established names (a decision I don't like to repeat in future but circumstances were such) viz. Law and Fiction. I visited stalls of Lexis Nexis, Universal Law House, Taxmann, Rupa & co (of books not baniyans), Penguin India, Oxford and some others, but these were I spent maximum time (apart from walking around).

Well as I said, organizing was shoddy and many things were still not available to participants and with uneven flooring you just cannot called its international, to my surprise many NBT/ITPO officials were very helpful. They help me located few publishers I was looking for. If NBT/ITPO people are listening there is a lesson for them, while organizing please put things segment wise for example, law at one area, management at another, instead putting them up haphazardly. Though it may not be practically possible every time, but it should be done as far as possible. Secondly enough space must be given to the visitors to actually navigate from one stall to another. And proper maps must be put up at every place at least to give proper directions.

Coming back to the fair itself, since I was alone, I'd little chance of clicking pictures. You can be viewed suspiciously if you are clicking things alone (and if you are in black attire as I was in). Anyhow there I see motley of human emotions, facebook friends meeting for first time in blood and bones, an upcoming writer making a splash with a pretty upcoming reader (read girl) with her mother, dealer complaining lack of service, children asking to many questions, and the hero of the events books and a lot of them. You could easily lost in them.

But I had something in my mind, only few specific things and back and so I did. But I can fairly say the visit, even alone, clearly removed the stress out of the distressing day. I hoped next time I would be able to give more time (usually I visit the fair twice, but this time I am not seeing me doing that) and with better camera (moon was beautiful on Saturday) and hopefully with at least a friend or two to accompany me (condition: mental compatibility about reading otherwise day would become hell with both pulling different strings).

So go on and visit, because it is worth visiting, it is on till February 7th at Pragati Maidan, New Delhi, and if you have kids, carry them along, they could have a thousands books to cheer.

Tarun

Check out my Today's Photo at targetaimshoot.blogspot.com

I remember

I remember

As the train of life chugs forward

In the track of life

Crossing various stations

Towards the destination unknown

Leaving a long trail of memories behind

I remember

I remember

That with each passing day

I have something new to learn

With each passing station

I’d little grown up

I remember

I remember

The first time I opened my eyes

And saw light

The first time windswept my face

The first drop I taste

I remember

I remember

The first step I took

The tricycle I put

The first fall I had

I remember

I remember

The day I learnt to read

The day I sensed meaning out of written things

The first time I wrote something

I remember

I remember

The first time I was afraid

I closed my eyes and stayed

I breathed when I saw my mother

I remember

I remember

The first time I laughed

The freckle of a smile

And a guffaw afterwards

I remember

I remember

The first time I was scold

I cried and sobbed

The first time my eyes were moist

I remember

I remember

The first day at school

And I fell asleep in the noon

The first teacher I met

The first friends I made

I remember

I remember

The festivals I enjoyed

The cracked I burned

The colors I splayed

I remember

I remember

The festival of victory of good over evil

The worship of Goddess

The burning of devil

I remember

I remember

The festival of lights

The lightening of diyas, candles and twinkling lights

The day crackers turned the night sky bright

I remember

I remember

The Xmas day

The long wait for Santa

But for a good boy Santa never came

I remember

I remember

The New Year eve

The tasty pastries and juicy cakes

The way we stayed awake till midnight

To say ‘Happy New Year’

I remember

I remember

The Republic Day

The marching troops and weapons displayed

Fills the chest with pride

Even today

I remember

I remember

The Basant Panchmi

The Invocation of Goddess

The upholder of Wisdom and Consciousness

I remember

I remember

The festival of colors

The mouthwatering gujiya and loads of color

The day which drenched all way

I remember

I remember my result day

The stoic restlessness just won’t gave away

The relief I D-day

I remember

I remember

The new books I bought

The excitement of new syllabus

The new class to look forward

I remember

I remember

The summer holidays

The day’s hot sun shone

The power cut relays

I remember

I remember

The Independence Day

The hoisting of flags

Flying kites all day

I remember

I remember

The each passing birthday

The steady loss of innocence

The half burnt candles on the cake

I remember

I remember

The first time my heart throbbed

The first time I stole a look

The first crush I’d ever had

I remember

I remember

The first steps into adulthood

The bad result

The darker days

The bleak future it holds

I remember

I remember

The ray of hope

The ray I clenched onto

The reason that kept me going

I remember

I remember

The first time I fell in love

The spoken babble

And unspoken words

The feebleness leading her walking away

I remember

I remember

The first job I did

A small room

A rickety fan

Two second hand desktops

And plain old files

The long journey I undertook for a meager pay

I remember

I remember

The second job I did

The trading terminals

And ever ringing phones

The sickening long working hours

I remember

I remember

The relief I got

The professor’s explanation

The legal jargon

The freedom I enjoyed for a while

I remember

I remember

The first camping trip

The foothills of Himalayas

The rafting we did

I remember

I remember

The third job of mine

The training period of a trainee

The work culture of an MNC

I remember

I remember

The office trips I made

Along with my office mates

The deserts and mountains

I remember

I remember

A dark day

The first day of the week

And a short notice

The recession’s lash

I remember

I remember

Along all these

The ranging of emotions

Pain and suffering

Love and devotion

The dogged spirit kept going

I remember

I remember

In spite of all

The raindrops of my face

The warmth of winter sun

The mild wind of autumn

I remember

I remember

The small moments of happiness

The decorating of home

The cleaning of commode

The beautiful music all day

I remember

I remember

The times with friends

The jokes we cracked

The hard times we faced

The staying together till today

I remember

The remember

The time I spent

The love I got

The hatred I bred

I remember

I remember

The stations I passed

The people I met

The journey I made

I remember

I remember

That along the way

The good, the bad and the ugly days

The derailed trains on the way

I remember

I remember

The broken rails

The unheeded SOS

The dangers that prevailed

I remember

I remember

The journey I’d took

The journey I am taking

The journey I will take

On the rails of life

Towards destination unknown

Crossing all the stations behind

Leaving a memory trail

I remember

And I will remember

© Tarun Mitra

October 16, 2009

When life comes full circle

Life sometimes comes to a full circle, and repeats what you think have had lost in the sands to time. It occurs not once but many a times. When we usually get back to where we started, the very beginning itself. Any achievements we made till that time although stands, but are of no use.

Can anything be done about it? Well overwhelming answer from the ‘motivation experts’ will be ‘yes’ and common answer would be to take control of our lives. But what about the things which are beyond our control; a man can control his mind but cannot easily dominate the minds of others. What do you do then? Nothing! As Shreemad Bhagwat Geeta says “do your karma, and don’t worry about the fruit”.

One has to accept that, even though he can become master of his destiny and captain of his soul, but still his real tests lies when results are different from expected. Then this Captain has to commandeer his battered soul towards his new destiny.

And even though going through that beaten path again, the Captain and Master must accept one thing. The only person entitled to call himself a ‘Man’ is a person who has the courage to risk everything, and if he losses to start all over again.

To summarize I want to quote some lines from the famous Ruyard Kipling poem ‘If’

……If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";…..
…….If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

© Tarun Mitra

Life Goes on

Sometimes it so happens that you get unexpected things at unexpected places. It happened with me today. Sitting at my home, tired from days studies, facing an imminent power cut (voltage is quite low right now). And when I am checking my mails, a sponsored link shows the quote of the day by Robert Frost “In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.” Well to be very honest I was not feeling to write anything, leave alone posting. But the sentence stirred something in me and at some correct time when I am before my desktop and rather thinking to do nothing except having my dinner. Life goes on.
For the last few weeks I have been facing many things simultaneously, thing that can have some severe affect in the course of my life, if not permanent then at least for the time being and adding on to that I already overburdened with many other things, and all this makes me think what will happen next? And I got my answer. Life goes on.
It is really amusing that when you totally don’t expect anything, something or other bumps up altering the present course of your life. And you tend to think, damn! It is happening again with me, what will happen next? What is to be done now? Whether to fight it out or let it pass. But whatever decision we take. The life goes on.
So to sum up in this small piece, whatever I do? Whatever will happen to me or to you? Always remember that, the life will surely go on.

Little Moments which makes life

It has being a long contemplative life of mine. A life which seems to me is unfulfilled, unachieved, a life which has not made any significant contribution to the mankind.  A life which had left a lot to be desired. But hell, life is not what is all planned, or is it, it doesn’t seems likely as we all like some sort of surprises. Small things, but which makes a big difference.

We all have plans, aspirations, dreams but it is also the fact that not all of us are able to achieve what we set out for. There might be the greatest plans, or bigger dreams, but still most of us find themselves down in dumps, and once we find ourselves there, we became cynics, sarcastic and highly obsessive of what have we got. We became selfish of what we have, and tend to stagnate. We take the like as it is cut throat competition, where if we don’t achieve what we desire for, we became utter failure, we become unacceptable. And in midst of all these we lose the touch with our own lives.

Now, why I am writing this today, mainly why I am writing this, as I too belong to that category which lives in a dog eat dog world. I too have dreams and aspiration. I also strive hard. I also tend to be pretentious. But yet, somewhere in me I find a vacuum, a vacuum which tells me every time to ‘get a life’.

Life is not what is planned, it made of small moments. A moment when one feels the raindrop on the skin, the smile of baby, an unintended touch of a beautiful woman, it can be anything, even a burst of laughter, anything. But for the sure, these moment leaves a smile on your face, and in the face of great adversity, gives a great support.

I was not having a good day, a week if that matters. Things were going wrong, and there were too many of them. The twenty three years of my life, I have only lamented what could have I done, what could I have achieved and what where should I be. But as the fact lies, I am here and I do think it is of my own making. But still, when the frames of memory flashes pass the eyes, it leaves a watery mark. A mark, very few people can see, a few after seeing can justify. But something happened just then, just when I was thinking how fucked up my life is, a strain of smile struck my face, it came out of nowhere, and before I could reason, it began blooming.

I went to the temple in the evening, usually a Saturday routine which my mother forces me to follow. Along with that I was handed some work, which I was not eager to do. And to add on to all these there was day which was nothing but ‘wasted’ to much extent, a fault which is not entirely mine. However, as I left home, I was overcast, with some lighting going on here and there, a perfect recipe for Earth Day. But no sooner I started raining, first there was a strong gust of wind, then little drops of water and then it began to pour. I had done my bit in the temple and the small knick knack which I was asked to do. But as I was return, I saw people running for cover from the rain, but I felt there was faint smile in face, as I was cherishing each drop falling into me. I saw people seeing me, they might have seen me smiling, and they smiled back. I kept walking, enjoying the moment, and cherishing each part of it. I was all drenched, I stopped at a shop to do some shopping, I had a little chat with the shopkeeper, after I was done, he might have thought I would stay and wait for the rain to stop. But I didn’t and kept walking home. I was beautiful experience, with water hitting your face, and for a moment I felt calm, a sense of peace. I felt as if each drop is like a balm, spread over the aching part. I thought, though to much extent I have screwed myself, but still these small moments, one day, might define my life. It’s the little moments which makes one’s life.