Delusion of Love: Part IV

This is the final Part of my poem "Delusion of Love" you can access first three parts by clicking on Part I, Part II and Part III

Part IV

Essence of love is pain

Untruthfulness its bane

I suffered both

In her hands the most.

That day she lied

As she met her ‘flyby’

For him she called up

And told me to shut up.

I was hurt to core

I wished to live no more

Stuck by axe of deceit

The body became bag of meat.

She called up next day

Explaining her way

She said she loved him

She cannot forget him.

“Why you lie my dear?”

“Why you drew me closer?”

“I was happy alone”

“Why you gave me such delusion”

“I never loved you”, She said

“Its all in your mind”

“Its him I loved”

“And will love – till the end of time.”

“You should’ve told me straight”

“You should’ve never lied.”

“You insulted me – my self respect”

“Giving a wound – unrestrained”

It is where the logic fails

In the altar of argument

As accusations gained momentum

It was hurt that pained.

With a heavy heart

I bid her farewell

“I still love you” I Said

But she won’t gel.

I once was in love

But it was mere illusion

And my heart still singes

From this delusion.

© Tarun Mitra

July 19^th, 2011

Delusion of Love: Part III

This is the third and penultimate part of my poem "Delusion of Love" Part I and Part II can be accessed by clicking on then respectively.

Part III

One day – She did say ‘No’

Over the telephone

My heart clenched, eyes cried

As if nothing happened, I smiled.

It was hard I guess

But it was fine

Only brightness of truth can

Cut through forest’s pine.

My love is pure

My adoration – pristine

I’ll give whatever she asks

My love is unselfish and kind.

When you love someone dearly

When you love someone true

Its for them you care the most

Even if its hurting you.

I told “I’m your friend”

“And I’m there for you”

“Don’t you worry dear!”

“Nothing will hurt you.”

© Tarun Mitra

July 19^th, 2011

Delusion of Love: Part II

This is the second part of the poem "Delusion of Love" you can check out Part I here

Part II

I knew I was in love

And it was no illusion

I thanked gods above me

for allure of such delusion.

Love is not a trophy,

decorating our shelves.

It is an unending feeling,

Illuminating itself.

This unending feeling

Which hits you in waves

Gives a blissful pleasure

An entertainment serenade.

Here mind is the servant

To whims of heart

Senses surrender

To its unflinching desires.

It also leaves a dilemma

In a manner sedate

A space, pitch black

Shadow of illuminate.

All the logic, every reason

All the rhyme, every season

Fails of ignite a simple thought

Of rejection – a broken heart.

I believed I can let it go

If she said me ‘no’

I’ll stand besides her

Quite simply! I liked her.

© Tarun Mitra

July 18^th, 2011

Delusion of Love: Part I

This is the first part of my new poem 'Delusion of Love', I hope that you will like it.

Part I

I thought I was in love

But it was a mere illusion

Oh! My Lord why did you

Gave me such delusion

She came to me slowly

With her sweet intoxicating smile

Inebriated with her charm

On my dreams I lied.

As the days passed

And trust grew stronger

Within me I knew

I couldn’t hold any longer.

One day she told me

There’s a guy she liked

For five years she’d loved him

My world came crashing by.

Gathering my self and emotions

I prepared to say goodbye

She said, “Hey! There stop!”

“It was past, doing flyby.”

A faint smile sickled in my face

When her eyes shown and twinkled

As she mentioned me as “Special friend”

Her voice did a jingle.

For her happiness I prayed

To Saints and Gods above

A feeling of eternal longing

is what I felt for her.

© Tarun Mitra

July 14^th, 2011

An Unfulfilled Life

The ‘10 meter X 10 meter’ cell caged the vermin of the society, along with them was Rajeev, a senior accountant of a brokerage firm. Amongst the bloodiest criminals of the city, Rajeev uncommonly stood at the doors, holding the iron grills. His face was stiff, eyes were motionless and transfixed, and there wasn’t a hint of any emotion except the guessable shock. However, he was not shocked. The clutter of the cons failed to distract him, for them he was in his own world. Cons chatted about many things, from daily sodomy at the bathroom to latest policewoman in the jail. But Rajeev was in his own world, he listen nothing. He was in a lonely field with broken earth, encapsulated by a dumb silence, watching the bioscope of life, as the moments passed like frames.

A stout youth wades through three buses to reach his destination. He has just graduated, it is his first job. His father has promised that after he has saved enough, he will further pour some more for his further education. As he enters the air conditioned room in an old creaky building, he is welcomed by the array of computer screens and clamorous uttering of numbers and codes. He is a junior accountant, to count up the days trades, he was told by the owner. Six months down the line he has saved enough, he is sick of the same daily routine. He asks his father for pouring in. You are settled now, his old man replied, now this is your profession. The things go black and white, and the frame changes.

A baby is bought into a big house. The baby grows up to a young boy. But with each year of growing up, big house becomes seemingly small, the open verandahs gives way to closed doors. Soon the boy find himself in a smaller house with six members, but still can’t call his own. The teenage slip in and there is still no dwelling that can be called own. The brat becomes a man and the man gets married but still he owns no roof. The caravan moves on. The things again go black and white, the frame changes.

An opinion is dictated and the helpless man has to obey the injunction. He will be married against his wishes. He has to live with a woman he doesn’t like, so does the woman. He gets married. The things reconcile, in the small house sprouts apparition of a family, few years pass. The man takes a walk from the office to the bus-stand; from the bus-stand he will take a bus to his home, a home where he has a family, his family his home but not his house. He sees his wife in a car, he waves, but there is someone else there, they look happy and gay, they kissed. The glass shatters, the arguments builds up, the accusations and abuses fired from each side. The woman walks out of the house. A single stroke of hammer breaks the sacred thread that would have bound them for ages. The things go black and white, the frame changes.

An inebriated man rambled along, sniffing at the corsage around his wrist. A moll touches his head and he responds by kissing in air, he keeps walking to the way of twinkling lights and enmeshed voices. The soliciting blossoms passing uncanny remarks welcomed him to their dens. The man feels like king, he slips into one dungeon. The red light ceased to signify termination, it now signified initiation. Pleasure grips him and binds his body, he is lost. He wakes up under the bridge; the corsage is gone, so is his wallet and watch, he walks back home. The things go black and white, and the frame changes.

Man sees his old man dying, he coughs and there he goes. The man can hardly walk to complete his old man’s final journey. He rambles along. When his father is reduced to ashes, he comes back home. He is alone now, his mother died years ago. His wife now divorced. He searches for a bottle and gulps its contents. He is alone now; he gulps again and crashes into the bed. The frame changes, nothing black or white appears.

A man argues with his landlord. He has missed three months worth rent. The landlord serves him a verbal warning, pay up, he said, or leave. The man surrenders into his house. He is enraged, he pours a half for himself, and gulped it at one go. It was half past dead, the man walks to his landlord’s house; he knocks at his door. ‘Who is this’, the landlord scorned before things turned red for him. A glass bottle crashes into his head, pieces of glasses piercing into his skull and then to his brain. A woman screams, two children cried. Breaking into the house the man stabs the woman with the broken bottle. He takes the children and smashes their head to the wall. The things turned black, white and red, but the frames have disappeared. Rajeev sees the cell.

There are thirty inmates packed inside, which each has something to tell, each with a murderous history. Some were looking at him, few with scorn and few with lust. But why? Why are the things turning bright? Why he can’t see any inmates? What are those red silhouettes? Why have those encircle him? Why are those coming towards him, with their hands straighten to grab his neck. No, it can’t be, how can they be here? Aren’t they dead? No, leave me alone, leave me. He falls on his knees, and screams out loud.

He wakes up blinking his eyes to the old rickety fan hung in the ceiling. He can hardly move anything, even his head. His legs, his hands, his body seemed belted to the bed. His head was strapped to something, his mouth being stuffed. He cannot speak. He was surrounded by people dressed in whites, they seemed doctors and nurses. He wants to talk, he is thirsty; he tries to turn his head. His body stiffens, a strange sensation ran throughout his body. He hasn’t felt it before, he felt drowsy. When it stopped, saliva flowed from his mouth to his cheeks. He can’t feel any pain or feel any sense. He is a vegetable now.

An old man loiters throughout the neighborhood. His face covered with beard, his body covered in rags. He hasn’t taken bath for ages. He doesn’t remember anything. The only thing that keeps him busy is seeing the cars passing by. He survives on the food thrown in the road. Hard to believe that he stayed here once, carrying a name called Rajeev, an accountant. He walks clumsily, he eyes are dry. An urchin throws a peel into the pavement. The old man steps on it, he slips on the pavement, striking his temple down on the hard concrete. It was all black, till corpse was cleared by the municipal van.

© Tarun Mitra

A Fatherly suggestion

He placed the cigarette between his lips. But before doing that, he made it sure that he is in a secluded corner, still out of fear his eyes rolled here and there.

Come on! Whispered his friend, you are the only one the gang left. Do it, come on.

He lighted up the match. But he couldn’t garner any strength to ignite his fag. What if anyone saw him? What if his stink get caught in home?

Ouch! The heat seared his finger. He scratched the second one.

Hurry up! We have the Chlor-mint. No one will get to know anything. Just ignite this shit. Look how many times I have done this. Have anyone came to know about this?

With a trembling hand, he placed the fire on the tip. Seconds later it burned.

He was gasping for breath, his face has turned red. His eyes almost blood shot. He just came to know how it would feel in the gas chamber. The history lesson his teacher taught today. How can grown up inhale this shit. He wanted to throw it away; instead he gave it to his friend.

He smoked it smoothly; he must be an expert, he wondered. He is thirsty now.

Water vendor was standing nearby, rupees one for four glasses, he drank two rinsed with two. No trace should remain.

“Only this much!” remarked his friend, who was having his chlor-mint now. He wondered how he can be so unperturbed.

A blue colored Maruti went past them unnoticed.

They take their buses to their homes.

He ran straight into bathroom, ignoring the calls of his mother to have the water first. He rinsed and rinsed again; he took a bath. He had his lunch quickly and retired to his room.

He studied whole evening. But he can still smell the odor. He only went down to have some tea. He came back into the room again.

It was 9 PM, dinner time, time for the family.

He went down for the dinner. But not before convincing himself that the odor existed. He took his chair in the dining table

How was your day? His father asked.

It was fine, he replied.

Anything new, he asked again.

Hell! Do I smell, does he know it? Oh no just his normal course of question; Nothing new, he replied.

Are you sure, he replied again.

Now what on earth is he getting at? Have he seen me? No, not possible, secluded corner anyway. Yes dad, he replied.

Alright, he returned.

His palms were sweating, Did he knew it? Did he smell it? Or has he seen me? Not possible, more than hours now. How can be it?

Son, eat your food, why are your playing with it.

Oh! I am sorry.

He finished his dinner and went to terrace to get some fresh air. It has being a terrifying day for him, he was feeling like criminal. Does his dad know it? Has he seen him smoking? If he has, then what will happen? Will he be beaten up? Or thrown out of the house? What should he do now? Jump for the terrace? Yes, it is the best option. Or is it? It will certainly be painful, people will forget. But what after he recovers? No, again. Has he told the mom and entire family? Or will he disclose it in the front of the entire family in his presence? Will he humiliate him? Or will it be my birthday gift? His mind wandered through the strings of seamless thoughts.

Care for one?

What? He replied, turning back, he was stone cold.

What? Cigarette? I do it to you every time, his father replied.

N..no, I don’t smoke, he stammered.

Not if I don’t know, his father replied looking straight into his eyes.

He knew it, he has seen me; he felt like crying. Please don’t tell anyone, please, I beg you, I won’t do it again, I swear. He begged, clasping his hands he felt on his knee. Desperation was evident in his face.

His father smiled. Get up, now, he said. No I won’t. Holding his arms, he made him stand up.

I was there, only you failed to notice, rotten luck of yours, he replied.

What is he saying? He thought.

His father continued. I took up smoking when I was of your age. Your grandfather only figured it out when I got my first job. He can’t do anything then. I was smart. And most importantly I didn’t get caught. The entire incident has lesson for you.

That I should never smoke, he replied.

No, no it is not like that, now just listen. Our life hinges on the choices we made, choices which can be good or bad, depend upon perception. But whatever it might be, the choice should be our alone, and ultimately nobody should have any say in it. Because, once you give in to others you become his slave, you become paralyzed. You can’t take you decisions then. Then everyone has a say on you, and at one time you get frustrated, to such extent that you complain you don’t have any control over your life, nobody listens to you. But it is your own making, your own choice, a choice where you let others have a say over your affairs.

He was listening, trying to grasp each and every word.

You do something it’s your choice; you must have a reason for it. But don’t make ridiculous promises that you won’t do a thing because someone said you so. You are an educated person, you can easily deduce the reasoning behind any act, and one need not be Einstein for that. Smoking is bad, we all know, but the decision is upon you. It is your life. Was making a first try your decision? If it was, then I am proud of you and if it isn’t, it is just a suggestion, don’t do it. Take your own decision. One day you will be maintaining a family, and then what will you do. Look out for friends, holding poll for daily household decisions. But ultimately it is your life. I don’t mind to see to smoke or drink, but all I want is that decision should entirely be yours. And secondly, you know the history of Greece, Athens and Sparta to be precise.

Yes, I do, he replied.

For Spartans, stealing was not bad, but getting caught was. So whenever your ass gets blown up somewhere, make sure you don’t get caught. Because even if you know you didn’t do it, you will be blamed for it.

He was trembling now, but he was able to grasp the words his father said.

Now let’s get some sleep.

Putting his hand around his hands around his shoulder, he guided his son to his room.

© Tarun Mitra

The Suggestion

“Hey girl wassup” Maddy typed as he saw Vinita’s status in Office Communicator turned green.

“Me fine, you say, heard that your project got approved, congrats” She returned, it was the beginning of the normal office day for her. After her team meeting, the first thing she does is to greet her friends over the Office Communicator.

Maddy, Vinita, Kunal and Vinay work for same software company. They passed out from same college and were selected through campus itself. Since they met in their master’s they’d been great friends. Maddy, shorter for Madwesh, Kunal and Vinay were school mates, for their bachelors they went to different colleges. They jacked up again for their master’s were they met Vinita, Manju, Suniel, David and others to make a great team. Only Vinita, Kunal, Vinay and Maddy were able to garner offer letter from same company. Albeit, Vinita was in different development centre maintained by their company.

“Yep, that stuff got approved”

“So, what next now”

“Well, I know that I will complete this. But I am still not satisfied. I am feeling frustrated with this fucking IT life”

“Well Well Well! It seems Mr. Romeo is running out of girls”

“No it’s not like that I think I have dried up now. After that idea nothing new is coming in my mind. I worked on it for last 6 months and the shit got approved now, after 3 months of its submission. Still, I will be bossed by other on it. Bossed on my own creation, man that’s crazy. I am lonely I am contemplating suicide, do you have any better idea. Death without pain.” Maddy typed casually.

“Hmm…I can give you some ideas, cynide…difficult to obtain, hanging…umm..Painful, accident….requires guts and you are out of it….others they are costly”

“Hmmmmm…”

“Know what…I know one thing quick and cheap; mercury!” she exclaimed.

“Now where the hell can I get mercury?” he inquired even though he knew where.

“Moron, the thermometer”

“Oh! Thank you” replied and turned his status to invisible.

“Maddy…where are you…are you at home…hey that was a joke you know” she scribbled as she saw the status changing.

“Hey you there…don’t take it seriously….that was a joke….mercury is dangerous don’t play with it…Maddy are you there.” She typed apprehensively, fearing the worst. She has always being a meek person.

“Maddy….you there…..hey plz delete that chat…plz plz plz” She typed almost begging to her desktop.

“Here I am” came the reply.

“Thank God..Where were you?” She took a deep breath.

“To fetch thermometer”

“Maddy…I am in no mood to joke now…and keep it from where you have got it….that is DANGEROUS” she typed furiously.

“Vinni..You know..Mercury more or less looks like silver…but it is liquid…chemistry never fascinated me..but I think I have missed something…such a beauty…a liquid metal…defying properties….defying life….Good Bye and thanks a tonne.” He replied and logged off the communicator, he had a huge day ahead. He just could not be distracted by one of his pranks. He went about his work.

Vinita, on the other hand has lost her all taste for work. She began to pace in her cubicle. She tried reaching Maddy’s cell but it was unreachable. She shouldn’t have given that idea. She cursed herself for uttering that idea. She called Vinay.

“Vinay..Vinnie this side…yaar tell me is Maddy alright…have u seen him in the office..Where are you?”

“Hey Hey Chill! One by one” replied Vinay. “I am at office, no I haven’t seen Maddy and I don’t know whether he came to office or not. Kyun what’s the matter? You seemed worried.”

“Vinay, I don’t know how to tell you this, I stupidly suggested Maddy the easiest way to commit suicide, he asked me and I spoke like a parrot and then he logged of. You people are school friends, can he do any such thing..please yaar tell me I am worried.” She said with her voice almost breaking.

“Relax! Don’t worry..no he is not going to do such thing, if he has such intention he will let me know first. Chill I will talk to him. He might be playing a prank. It’s usual for him. Don’t worry you get back to work I will talk to him. Have you tried calling him?”

“Yes I did, but his cell was switched off”

“He might be working on core or probably sitting with client. It’s his old tactics whenever he is busy. You don’t think over it now. Go to work, I will talk to him.”

“Please do yaar. Chal got to go, bye, please talk to Maddy and let me know.”

She’d almost used all of her morning thinking about Maddy and his presumed suicide attempt. Her mind vacillated between Maddy and after effects of his action on her, after all she is the one who suggested him the better way. She took a quick lunch and settled down from her work. She has a lot other things pending. Soon enough she forgot all about the problem of Maddy and his suicide. She went home late and after having her dinner she went to sleep.

It was 1 am in the morning when her Cell Phone rang.

“Who is this?” She asked supinely.

“Vinnie! Vinay this side. What did you actually tell Maddy?” a grim voice from the other side replied. She was bestirred from her slumber.

“What happen Vinay? I told him what I told you in the morning?”

“You shouldn’t have suggested it?”

“What happened can’t you just tell me” she felt like crying.

“Till now nothing has happened but can’t tell, he is still not picking up his phone”

“I am coming, where are you” she stood up and reached for her purse.

“Wait! I think I am getting a call. Don’t come now. I’ll get back to you.”

Bathing in sweat Vinita couldn’t believe what she could have done. She went to kitchen to have some water. She cannot sleep now, the night is too dark. She sat down at the kitchen.

She never knew when the sleep overpowered her. It was 5 am when her cell again rang.

She woke up feeling like a thousand volt electric shock went through her body. She picked up the phone.

“Hello”

“Vinnie! Kunal, just listen now, come to Maddy’s house by 7 am, we’ll be there by 7 only”

“But what…” she tried to ask but by then Kunal had disconnected the phone.

She thought she should take some tea. She put the sauce pan over the gas and poured in the ingredients and put them to boil. She began to imagine things. What did Maddy do? Did he really?

Did Maddy? No, no way. Otherwise I won’t be called to him home. But did he try? He survived Mercury, that’s unbelievable. No, are they trying to pin point the blame on me. Shall I go? Would I be caught? No way, they are friends; they won’t conspire against me, why they would conspire against me. They know me very well and so do I. But why would he be doing. And why they’re framing me. Yeah! I told me the way, but that was a joke, isn’t it. Will it be a police case? Then what…

Her chain of thoughts were disturbed by the stink of the gas, apparently tea boiled over and fell over the gas. Now, she’d to clean the mess and there would be no tea for her. She drank some water and went down with cleaning.

She was at Maddy’s home at 7 am sharp. The front door was open; she slipped in and went straight into the room. There was an eerie silence in the house. She feared the worst. She went straight into Maddy’s room.

The room was dark, though she could observe some silhouettes; she couldn’t just make out who they were. Fear has already clipped her lips. “Maddy, are you there” she whispered. There was no response. Now she stood at the door, trembling, petrified; she was sweating and breathing heavily.

“Surprissseeeee……………!!!!”

She gained her consciousness after few minutes. The first thing she saw was two beaming, clean shaven faces wearing the colgate smile. They were Vinay and Kunal. She was in the sofa and Kunal was sprinkling water on face.

“What the fuck is it?” She shouted, still trying to grasp the things.

“Nothing, but pure fun” came a beaming voice, it was Maddy, she knew it was Maddy. The jerk was in his bed.

“Well….were to began..Actually yesterday after you called me up, I called Maddy and he explained me what has happened between you and him. Maddy was feeling feverish therefore he didn’t come yesterday. But he was working from home. When I called him up about his apparent plans that you told me he burst into laughter. Let’s play a game he said and explained me what to do next. I in turn explained Kunal. I and Kunal called you from our homes. We only came here half an hour before you. The trap was set and you walked in” Vinay explained while trying to prevent his laughter eating out his words.

Vinita began swearing furiously, this only made them go ga-ga. After a while propriety was restored.

Maddy spoke,” C’mon yaar, I was feeling feverish. That’s it and you provided some laughter medicine. Now pass me on that thermometer. No, not suicide, I need to check my temperature now. It’s what doctor told me.”

“You don’t have any limits” Vinita said. She was smiling now, having shredded the last signs of anger. She passed on the thermometer to Maddy.

Maddy placed the thermometer beneath his tongue and lower jaw. He keeps it there for a minute usually. Kunal and Vinay were still smiling, so was Vinita. And for Maddy, it was usual for him, he was equally notorious for his pranks during his college days. He has only being able to keep his reputation intact.

Maddy moved his hand to replace the thermometer. The thermometer cracked in his mouth.

© Tarun Mitra